My earliest memories are all very good memories, at least until the age of five, it is at this time that my life would begin to change forever. My cousin David came to live with us, he was much older than me in his teens at this time. I remember thinking it was kind of cool I had an older brother when I was the oldest in my house hold. I adored David, but my adoration turned to fear not to long after he moved in with us.
It is funny somethings you can remember quit clearly and others you can not, I remember the first time that my parents left us alone with David while they went out with their friends. I was five as I said and my sister about three maybe a little older. David was baby sitting while my parents were out. Momma had bathed us and gotten us into our pj’s that night I remember they were a strange poly blend but they were my favorite ones they were light yellow and green and pink and blue.
My sister and I were playing in our bedroom, the house was small, there was a nice kitchen and living room and then my parents room, the bathroom and our room were all connected with no doors. This particular night David was watching TV, and we were playing with our dolls in the bedroom, when he called me into the living room and made my sister stay in the bedroom. This was the first time that I had touched a penis let alone seen one as he made me give him oral sex. I remember wondering why was he doing this, Daddy never did this with me, anyways that was how it began.
And how I began to retreat into myself, from the fun energetic little girl to the hidden secrets that lay beneath. That was the beginning for me in a journey that would span a life time and that I am still living to this day, although in a much healthier and productive way than back in those days.