Despite having been dealing pretty much since I was 21 with the effects of my abuse I still seem to be able to return to that place of helplessness and pain, so many triggers especially in these days of constant turmoil.
I have come to understand that while I am healthier and better equiped to deal with that darkness in my past, it is never truly gone. I have danced around it, I have numbed my body and mind to it, I have raged at it and I have dealt with it and continue to deal with it as the time and years march on. It is not something that I am ever not going to deal with and I understand that now when I am much older.
I still sometimes feel like that scared lost little girl with no where to hide, but and I think this is the most important part I am stronger than I was back then and I am no longer afraid of what will be in the future.