I apologize for the gaps in the story alot has been going on in my life since I wrote that last post. But lets pick up where we left off shall we.

That night I learned what a blow job was and as I would later learn it was the beginning of a nightmare that would continue until I was ten. I think the hardest part for me to accept and forgive myself is that I was not the only victim, a close family friend finally told me what happened to her son, who I have always considered a brother. the guilt I feel over that I can not describe I dont know if I had told when it happened if it would have made a difference but I do still feel guilty.

Anyways when I was about 6 or so my parents separated for the first time, I would later learn that my father was cheating on my mother and she threw him out. We being children did not understand the dynamics at play as children should not know those things and my mom was great at protecting us from that, but being Daddy’s girls we cried they got back together and we went on. When I was 9 years old our house burned down on Christmas Eve, we were not home we had been our visiting friends of my dads. I would find out much later that it was arson and that my dad had started it for the insurance. Again we had up helve in our lives and we moved from place to place that year, I had to go to summer school because I missed so much school that year. But life went on, when I was about 10 maybe 11 we moved into a trailer park, it was actually a lot of fun, we spent a lot time outside running around playing as kids do. We had great friends and lots of exciting adventures from playing football on gravel to running through the tailings to avoid the security guards and hiding in our giant tree. These times I think were the best because we were at the age where we could go outside on our own and play until the lights came on and then it was dinner time. My mom was the band aide and cool-aide mom always making sure that all of us kids were safe.

As adventures go we had so many that even now it is hard to recount them all but we always had fun and always got into some kind of mischief. Things with my parents were rocky on and off again, and she always took him back because we missed him. In hind sight maybe it would have been better for us had they stayed apart but that is for another part of the story. Anyways it was here that things in my life changed yet again I began to become interested in boys, f course it was way to early for me to be doing that but well when your damaged by sexual abuse this is what you think will make people like you or love you as the case maybe. I was wrong of course but there it is. Anyways that is enough for tonight I hope to write more tomorrow we shall see.