It is difficult to see someone you love in such pain especially when it is something that you can not take away. I had a conversation with my sister this morning she is in tears and all I want to do is go over there and wipe them away and tell her everything will be OK. But the truth is that she can not fix what is broken and no one can until he is willing to admit that there is a problem and deal with the trauma that is causing the his addiction. I love him like a brother and sad to say I know why he is the way he is but I also know that the destructive path leads to two places death and the loss of everything that he holds dear. What can I do? how can I help when I cant even tell him that I know he was hurt too? How do I help him when he wont help himself? more importantly how do I help him save his family when he doesn’t see that he is loosing everything he needs. There is no way to tell him I know without him getting upset and doing something totally stupid. To tell him I have been there, I know that Pain and that I can help you get through the worst of it and conquer what is destroying you and everything you love. HOW do I make him see his self worth when all those who are supposed to build him up tell him he is worthless? How do I tell him that he is better than what he is doing to himself when he is destroying himself. How do I help my sister through the pain that she feels as she watches the man she loves destroy himself and his family treating him like shit? I want so badly to go and punch them all in the face and tell them to go the fuck away, to leave my family alone that they do not deserve to even call him or my sister their family! HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW??????? These questions plaque me today as my heart breaks for my sister who is dealing with a husband who had pain so deep the only escape that he can find(that makes sense in his mind) is to be a drunk!
Invain by Elizabeth Angel
A child cries, a silent scream, terror around and danger unseen.
Little souls precious and untried, tomorrows hope has died.
Little stranger never known yet pain and anguish we have sown.
Alone in darkness mommy cries and daddies tears for tomorrows lies.
Nothing changes always the same life and innocence only a game.
Rata-tat-tat echos the halls, vibrating pictures on the walls.
Shattered glass and lost souls, a madmans bullet a child should not know.
The hue and cry gone on to long only stranger are left to hear the song.
Wheeping tears yet nothing to change does anyone remember their names?
Tomorrows future falls to the ground covered in blood from a semi-automatic round.
Destruction and fear their last memory as their voices cry out in an terror harmony.
Death comes to soon what a tragic end when tomorrow comes its a prayer again.
And still nothing changes.
Indiscriminent the death toll rises, no one sees the literal crisis.
Politicans they dont care, its not their children dying in there, a madmans rage they have never heard.
When tomorrow comes and the blood wipes away. What is left but a head stone and a grave.
If silent we stand then all that will remain, death and destruction.
Children Dead invain!
I have been quietly reflecting on the things that we saw over the weekend, things that should not have happened. I have watched and read feeds and comments from all of my friends and family. Varying opinions from the far right to the far left and everything in between.
I have silently sat back and observed a lot of different opinions and a lot of hateful remarks and snide comments and a varying spectrum of bitterness and anger. This did not just start this has been going on for generations. It has never been a huge secret that there are racial problems in this country they have always been there, it is only in the last 9 years that we have seen once again a rise in the calls for equality. Should we silence the voices of ANY American seeking equality for the sake of peace?
So to all my staunch supporters of Trump friends you are right this is not something that Trump started but it is something that by his in action has condoned, the fact that only after the vast majority of his party called upon him to condemn the racist neo-Nazi, nationalist and KKK extremist parties who were by the way jumping for glee when he did not directly condemn their actions is what people are seeing as his supporting these right wing nut jobs. I am not attacking you I am explaining from a left side what they are seeing. Is it true, probably not, but that is what they see.
They see a president who is more concerned with his agenda than the state of the people in his country and uniting us as we should be instead of keeping us divided. Oh don’t worry I am not done, I have somethings to say to the left as well, but I would add this to what I am saying to you. Take a very close look at the man you support, pay attention to what is really happening even behind closed doors and remember that which is done in the dark will always come out in the light.
To my left leaning folks out there, I hear what you are saying and some of it I agree completely with, but you see I can’t help but think that while I am watching what you are doing since the election has been to attack. You have marched through the streets wearing vaginas on your heads and screamed and gotten in the faces of anyone who does not agree with your agenda either. What is so different than you from those Neo-Nazi terrorists that were marching this past weekend in Charlottesville? Because you are right? Why? You all want to blame this on Donald Trump but these issues were there when Obama was in office and you know it. Why were you not crying out for him to stop the violence that was occurring in Ferguson, or Boston or any of the other places where riots and hate were being spewed? Because he was your president? Well I hate to tell you this but He sucked.
You want Trump to denounce racists and hate groups like the KKK and yet when rioters were burning down the cities of Ferguson, or Baltimore or any of the other cities that have had riots in the last 8 years Obama was strangely silent. He did not condemn their actions he did not call it what it was hate. Is that going to heal a racial divide that he fostered with this silence? You know it won’t, no one group is right here both have to look at what they are doing and quite frankly quit acting like spoiled children toughing temper tantrums because they did not get their way and start trying to make real changes the right way.
Do we need to stand together against racists hell yes, we do, do we need to ensure that ALL AMERICANS whether they are pink, purple, black, brown or white are all treated equally? Absolutely should we allow ANYONE spewing hate for another race to do so on American Soil NO we should not, this includes groups that are not white you know like Nation of Islam or the New Black Panthers, these groups while they want the right things their Ideologies do not work if we are to have a truly equal society.
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of happiness.”
Sleep is hard to come by some nights, my eyes want to close and yet I still fight. There is much to say and so little time, life moves quickly, quicker than this rythm. Flashes of what could be or perhaps they are reality who knows but sleep still wont come to me.
I close my eyes and there I am stuck in my head without a sound, waiting patiently for the dreams to begin when sleep should carry me away again. Yet here I sit in this dark gloomy space waiting and wondering what will take place.
Sleep is hard to come by it seems for what does it truly mean, to shut down the mind to loose control to not understand but just let go. Sleep that place most find where peace and dreams fill the mind but when I close my eyes I see only black staring back at me. Where is sleep? Where has it gone? Why am I the only one home? Sleep so elusive and fast I just wish it would come at last.
Is it a dream I see, do my eyes decieve me, is there something wrong with the way I carry on? Life moves so quickly I see the change with out me. Am I being left behind or is it the truth that is so hard to find.
I close my eyes at night and wonder truthfully without a fight where has the time gone moving so quickly almost like a song. Passing me by all I see is flashes of the past and what could be. Dreaming has become the only way to carry on as I move forward in the sea of night where only the darkness can win the fight and wonder what it al truly means and I hear living this dream.
Tomorrow seems so far away it is only the dreams that are here to stay. So I close my eyes and hope to see tomorrow looking back at me. The hopes and dreams of yesterday have given way to tomorrows reality. I perfer it here where the dreams let me be in the present without tomorrow to see. So close your eyes and dream and remember that the future is where dreams begin and were reality will end.
The hands move, the slow clicking sound of the clock changing time, each second a breath that passes as quickly as it came, and yet no time has passed at all. Mirrored eyes looking through the broken glass see only the slow motion of hands that move with each beat of the heart, there are no words only the sharp undeniable hands of time, twisting with each movement forward the past and present into one moment.
Journey at the beginning time moves quickly so fast that it can not be seen and yet it stands still never changing always at its will, the twist in time will reveal the truth about what is.Tomorrow and yesterday only parts of the play what is, what was and what will be all in the path of time, each twist and turn the hands continue moving steadily forward as if nothing is new.
the deafening sounds of the clicking clock echos off the walls of the world leading never following always moving forward never back. The wind whispers and the rain falls and still time marches to its own beating drum, keeping all moving away from the beginning and always to the end. In the end the twist in time keeps moving forward.
Time moves slowly these days, the clocks hands ticking ticking away with each passing day, things move forward with now rhythm or reason, things are changing with each passing season. Violence we see out our shuttered doors, poverty and disease we hide from on wooden floors, a child’s cry we do not hear because we are blind and live in fear. What will tomorrow bring we do not know, but a better life is what we are owed. Politics and hatred fill the air in waves as people only watch and despair. to change things takes courage, to mend and repair takes time. we watch the world turn on a dime, lost are the things that our ancestors used to do replaced by technology that cripples society for the new. When do we stop and say it is enough go back to the time when people were tough, when politics were true and life was the only view. Helping should not be a crime, giving of yourself the only passage of time, helping thy neighbor get through the hard times that have effected even you. Morality yes it is important that is true but what about the basics the simplest of rules, treat others as you would want to be treated.
Wonder is the devil to a creative mind, impossible to shut off and forget the things that were left behind, never knowing if what is now is real or if yesterday has somehow created the cloud. It is close to the surface and yet just out of reach the pain still lingers and happiness weeps. Tears from blue/green eyes fall like the rains from the skies, their are not answers to the questions left behind only the raw ache of a life over before their time, we wonder sometimes can they see do they know the pain that we feel and why healing is so slow.
We close our eyes and hope for a glimpse an answer to the question upon the soft rose lips, in the darkness we cry and wonder why, when life is so fleeting are we left behind? Is it by chance or design that we are given such pain? There are no answers only our truths that we live with as we walk along the lonely darkened beaches of life, we pass each others strangers who also cry and we wonder why? Finding no solace that we are not alone in our grief only the truth that no one else can see what we see so plainly in the black of the night.
Lost in the creative mind we search for the tide that will take away the pain we ride like the electric horse up the mountains so high, there is no end in sight for these lonely nights that wrap us up tight and hide us from the light. Only tomorrow will bring relief at least that is what they say personally I think it is decay that wipes away the pain we carry as we ride the fairy of life.
We walk along the shady lanes of life, looking and searching seeing only strife. Our paths cross many roads, some paved and some dirt, we travel and travel with no end in sight. Ten steps into the dark and we run for the light, always searching for something not within our sight. The wind blows howling in the dark pushing us farther and farther from the light, the tunnel we begin to see is never ending, and goes on and on for eternity.
We rise when we are knocked from our feet searching long and deep for the strength to continue to travel on this unknown road. Our world grows smaller and darker with each passing year, only the hope that tomorrow may bring back the light keeps us here. The paths are broken, the words go unspoken as we pass each other in the dark, we do not see that pain we feel reflected in each others eyes. Watching and waiting we come to understand that we are destined to travel this land forever searching for a place to land.
As we trek through the mountains and the deserts searching for answers that will not hurt we come to understand that Eternity is all we have, in this life and the next we are doomed to repeat each life until we get it right.
The sea of change is blowing in wiping away the past and renewing the present. Tomorrow is only a dream away as we travel through the precepts of time. Walk along the road of before us never to stray away from the beat in path, each step we take predicted, we never stumble and fall. Taking the unbeaten path we learn to move away from the safety of the known and the adventure of the unknown. The path least traveled will provide it’s own rewards, there is no playing it safe in life, it is an adventure meant to be lived