I am from the desert so dry the earth cracks, where the seasons dont exist. Where you can drive 45 minutes north and be surrounded by ponderosa pines.I am from a place where water is scarce yet the earth still produces beauty. Where the painted desert and the mountains meet in the middle.I am from the land of blue sky as far as the eye can see, where tumble weeds dance across the landscape and saguaro, barrel and jumping cactus dot the land. I am from horny toads and Gila monsters, from the Apache and the Navajo. I am from where the salt river runs freely and Roosevelt lake is always too low for a boat.
I am from 120 degrees in the summer time and 75 degrees in the winter, from Phoenix and flagstaff and all parts in between. I am from the road runner and the diamond back from bears and coyotes. I am from John Joseph and Johnny Dale, From Daniel and Anthony. I am from Judy, Lillian and Elora, from Betty and Esther and Dinah. I am from Italia, Romania, Germany and the Cherokee.I am from small town America where copper is a commodity and life moves at a snails pace. Where cowboys and bikers work side by side. I am from a welder and a cook, from a laborer and a cop. I am from rock and roll and gospel music, from baby’s got her blue jeans on to Sweet child of mine. I am from timber camp and round tables and bonfires burning at night.
I am from three tubs and cattle ranchers, from the northern rim of the grand canyon to the border of mexico where the desert is so hot that your blood can boil. I am from believers in God and believers in nothing, I am from the excommunicated and the newly baptized. I am from the heart of mother earth, I feel her heart beat in mine. From the beginning of space and the ending of time, I am from mother earth her soul is wrapped in mine. I am from bikers and cowboys, gypsy’s and hippies. I am from love and laughter, great food and great music. From love and hope and arguments not meant to be won, from the sane and insane and all those in between. I am from Mom and Dad, yes sir and no ma’am, from excuse me and thank you. I am from mother earth where all life begins and ends.
silver and gold glittering bright, stars that shine dancing through the night, loneliness goes on and on without a fight and time moves on no end in sight. Deep dark secrets that are never shared with only a moment of time to spare, looking at yesterday long and drawn out, a broken heart and pain are the only route. Time stands still for no one they say we live and we die, all of us heading toward a grave. Dreams are broken some never come true but always there is a price that comes due. so we live and laugh although the pain is real, we hide it behind our mask pretending not feel, some answers are yes and some are no but each moment we live we know the place we go. from the moment of our first breath we are marching along headed toward certain death, one foot forward we wander this world, it happens so fast just a swirl of a dance and we are through. It is the dance of life we live one that is expected to give whether long or short it is what we do, we live life’s dance and then we are through.
We stand on the brink of darkness where eternity lies, with dreams out of reach and hope that dies. we march to the beat of the stagnate drum looking for a reason to laugh, play and run. the beat keeps us moving forever forward towards an ending we are unsure of. Eternity a place of possibilities or is it? we keep our feet firmly on the ground, always marching to that droning sound, one foot in front of the other until we are all in line marching in step keeping time.
We pass through our lives with blinders on never seeing what is so wrong, we never step on the cracks fear that eternity will pass. Always searching and never finding our bliss, one step forward and two steps back the darkness is never ending as we search for the crack.There is no time we must move on looking and searching as we miss the song, we dance in darkness that never dies searching and reaching past the lies.
The dimensions of change are never ending as darkness is always descending, wrapping around like a warm blanket to absorb the hope so that we have to fake it. The darkness claws at our mortal souls as we stand at the edge of the abyss. the darkest place we can not see this is the space we will never leave, one more step into the black there is no where to go no looking back as we enter where eternity dies there is no hope only lies.
To dream seems to be only for the damned, things you want and can not have. The torment of knowing that deep in the dream where anything is possible there will be only one scene. Something strong we can not hide and no matter how much you want can not have. Dark hair soft as silk and warm lips that make you melt these are the torment of your mind the things you can’t have the things you can’t find. Dreams unfulfilled linger in your mind with the wants and needs of another time. Where it passes you do not know but for certain there is only one show, the torment we dream of things we desire when there is nothing left only the fire. To close your eyes and dream of things that where once yours and no longer seems to be a special kind of hell where what you feel is like an empty shell. So we close our eyes and dream of things that can never be because life steals those dreams broken but real.
Rage at secrets that are being kept acknowledgment would be to no benefit, a child lost so long ago and no one cares because no one knows. Jealousy and pain are the ugly truth about a life long gone passing in our youth. Tears that were cried have long since dried and yet no acknowledgement has come because jealous would over run. Is the past something to be ashamed of or is it truly something that was created with love. destroyed by betrayal and lonliness that left life lost. Secrets that eat away at the soul something that we may never know. would the truth set you free or would it destroy all that you see. Accpetance of what is the most painful truth to see, no one really cares about that little soul lost except for me.
The untold story of something new, a world yet seen by me or you.We travel through life with blinders on wondering where the hope has gone. outside the window of the small house sirens are heard as they race about. A child dies, a mother cries and people wonder where the hope has gone. Into the wind it rides high hiding from man whose only wish is life. Not riches or gold or even a car just enough to eat for the baby in his wife’s arms. Where does the hope go? that is the question we all ask when tomorrow we wake and remember the past, where flags flew high in the sky and children laughed as they race by, the peddles and their legs pumping fast and furious where has the hope gone is all around us.
They seem not to care when we are all laid bare, the death is meaningless when no one seems to care. Another child lost in the system because mommy and daddy could not listen. Alone we sit in our vacant lives not hearing the moans, screams and cries. Where did the hope go we wonder to ourselves as more and more we are put onto shelves, hiding the pain feel inside where tomorrows dreams have finally died. Where did the hope go we wonder all around looking for answers that are not to be found.
The hope we had as a nation and people the hope we had as small children in the steeple, the crushing blow that is our own where damage is done and we have no home. There is only one step to take to bring back hope that is ours to retake and that is fate strong and true where tomorrow will cross in a day or two. with the power of love and the hearts so pure even the man will get up off the floor. Each step forward not a step back we can still hear the words of the question we asked, “Where did hope go?” we scream and shout into the past with no answer about.
Standing at the junction of life looking as most due for the right path, where confidence and belief are restored and the dreams of the night do not go ignored. Indifference is the norm people shuffling around forgetting what it is all about. There is no laughter anymore, lost in the anger and pain of worry and fear. Yet as I sit hear I know that I am the luckiest of women to have what I have and not fear loosing it everyday that I wake. So why do I feel this heavy weight weighing me down? How to change the frown? Looking for answers to the questions i can not wrap my head around wondering my when we always gained ground. Not entirely certain of the outcome but tomorrow is supposed to be fun, and yet hear I sit writing this poem unable to sleep for fear of the dream.
What is the point? this is the question I ask, people do not give of themselves but expect to be remembered and given handouts they do not deserve. The unforgettable days of our past long since brushed away bring fond memories in a flash and yet they can not last. Crushing desperation leading to this feeling the weight of the world unable to explain, we stand at a cross roads but what will be gained and what will be lost as yet to be seen or discussed. A child cries for help go unanswered a family is down and out and yet still stand in gods house, men looking for money to pay for their politics on the backs of those are struggling just to make ends meet. Do they bother to offer help to the man, woman or child on the street?
Forever in time I walk the path alone in my mind where no one can trespass, the secrets that I keep are for me alone to know the past and to take them home, I close my eyes at night and wonder where in the world I will tomorrow blunder as I travel this road of uncertainty I reach out to find what most can not see.
Tomorrow is my only hope the truth of the future I dare not hope as I close my eyes and look forward I only see that the darkness is all around me. In quiet expectation of the simple truth where dreams and time pass through there is only one chance that we will find the answer to tomorrow in our mind. Closing your eyes and seeking the past will only continue to confirm the mistakes we made at last. Dreams of the future are where we should hide where tomorrow is the serpent and we are in for a ride. prepare and fight for the dreams of tomorrow where only the truth and none of the sorrow.
My hopes are strong as I continue on each day a passing event the past melts away and the future looms brighter than the stars that shine in the sky, as I remember why I began this journey into tomorrows world I remind myself that the gift I bring is to give insight into who I am and who we are we travel alone so much of the time that when we find that person who truly gets us and understands that our message is one that needs to be told we must remind ourselves that though tomorrow has not been told we can see the future in the distance of the horizon.
Standing on the quiet edge between life and death,
the sweet memories of a life not lived.
Mistakes we made we can not change,
pain like a razor slicing through a vein
blood from open wounds never to heal again.
Yesterdays sorrows and tomorrows dreams collid
in the night between heart broken screams
The changes for the future flutter aweay disappearing
in a desperate act, flooded with darkness no
longer to see the pain in which we leave.
Silence fills the air, as everything begins to freeze unfathomable
pain in a silent scream.
Crystal clear tear drops against pale skin never finding peace
not even in the end
Now I lay me down to sleep
On a bed of thorns I shall not weep
I pray the lord my soul to keep
wrapped in his warm embrace
If I die before I wake
What a glorious fate
I pray the lord my soul to take
Higher than this mortal plain
To play among the clouds so high
Where angels dance and sparrows fly
In his grace I shall not weep
Kneeling down at his feet
In his embrace I shall not die
Upon his throne sitting so high
In his love I find peace
Now I lay me down to sleep!