It is funny the things that I remember from my childhood the smell of coffee in the early morning. The smell of fresh bread baking or cookies. Don’t get me wrong it was not all reinbows and unicorns but it was not a terrible childhood either. My parents they had their moments, my dad worked and worked and played hard. My mom, she was the best, she was the cool-aide mom and the band aide mom and the mom who always made sure that we had something to eat, did our home work and knew that she was always there. This person she has become I dont know or understand and it breaks my heart. 

You see as much as I am angry at her, I miss my mom, I miss the person who I knew would always have my back. Who was there in the worst moments of my life. The woman who when I fell down brushed me off and stood me back on my feet. The one who would bake cookies and bring us cool aide while we played outside. I miss the mom who never put anyone else over us and always made sure that no matter what we knew she loved us. That is who I miss!

It makes me so sad the things that we have lost between us, the dreams of making her a grandma and her having a great time spoiling them and loving them and being grandma. The mom who would help me pick out my wedding dress or my graduation dress or my prom dress and would smile at me when I would fidget and tell me to stop that I was beautiful and everything would be just fine. That is the mom I miss, I miss the mom who would spank me when I was wrong and kiss me when I was scared. I miss my mom but I fear that she is dead and gone.

I miss my mom who was my best friend, the person I could count on in the end. I miss my mom the one who knew what I was going threw and did not judge. The one who would give me the gentlest of nudge or a kick in the pants. I miss my mom! Though she is not dead it feels that way to me because this stranger she has become has nothing to do with me. I miss my mom!