Dear America

I have been quietly reflecting on the things that we saw over the weekend, things that should not have happened. I have watched and read feeds and comments from all of my friends and family. Varying opinions from the far right to the far left and everything in between.

I have silently sat back and observed a lot of different opinions and a lot of hateful remarks and snide comments and a varying spectrum of bitterness and anger. This did not just start this has been going on for generations. It has never been a huge secret that there are racial problems in this country they have always been there, it is only in the last 9 years that we have seen once again a rise in the calls for equality. Should we silence the voices of ANY American seeking equality for the sake of peace?

So to all my staunch supporters of Trump friends you are right this is not something that Trump started but it is something that by his in action has condoned, the fact that only after the vast majority of his party called upon him to condemn the racist neo-Nazi, nationalist and KKK extremist parties who were by the way jumping for glee when he did not directly condemn their actions is what people are seeing as his supporting these right wing nut jobs. I am not attacking you I am explaining from a left side what they are seeing. Is it true, probably not, but that is what they see.

They see a president who is more concerned with his agenda than the state of the people in his country and uniting us as we should be instead of keeping us divided. Oh don’t worry I am not done, I have somethings to say to the left as well, but I would add this to what I am saying to you. Take a very close look at the man you support, pay attention to what is really happening even behind closed doors and remember that which is done in the dark will always come out in the light.

To my left leaning folks out there, I hear what you are saying and some of it I agree completely with, but you see I can’t help but think that while I am watching what you are doing since the election has been to attack. You have marched through the streets wearing vaginas on your heads and screamed and gotten in the faces of anyone who does not agree with your agenda either. What is so different than you from those Neo-Nazi terrorists that were marching this past weekend in Charlottesville? Because you are right? Why? You all want to blame this on Donald Trump but these issues were there when Obama was in office and you know it. Why were you not crying out for him to stop the violence that was occurring in Ferguson, or Boston or any of the other places where riots and hate were being spewed? Because he was your president? Well I hate to tell you this but He sucked.

You want Trump to denounce racists and hate groups like the KKK and yet when rioters were burning down the cities of Ferguson, or Baltimore or any of the other cities that have had riots in the last 8 years Obama was strangely silent. He did not condemn their actions he did not call it what it was hate. Is that going to heal a racial divide that he fostered with this silence? You know it won’t, no one group is right here both have to look at what they are doing and quite frankly quit acting like spoiled children toughing temper tantrums because they did not get their way and start trying to make real changes the right way.

Do we need to stand together against racists hell yes, we do, do we need to ensure that ALL AMERICANS whether they are pink, purple, black, brown or white are all treated equally? Absolutely should we allow ANYONE spewing hate for another race to do so on American Soil NO we should not, this includes groups that are not white you know like Nation of Islam or the New Black Panthers, these groups while they want the right things their Ideologies do not work if we are to have a truly equal society.


“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of happiness.”

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In the dark days

There is much about the past that seems to be an enigma even to me the one who lived it. Living with a disease is never easy but most assuredly it is not easy when it is mental illness, growing up there were a lot of indicators that I would eventually have depression and that I would eventually have to deal with it on a daily basis. What I did not realize was the impact that it would have on my life and the decisions I would make along the road to becoming the adult I am now.

The reality that I have this dreaded disease something that as I understand now is quit common and can be hereditary began to show itself in the formative years and shyness and quiet retreat, as I got older it showed in other ways, drug use and promiscuous behavior. Self-destructive behaviors were normal for me. It began though in the early years, having suffered at the hands of a family member, sexual abuse that would continue to define my life and lead me to more and more reckless behavior.

Looking at it now I know it for what it is, but it would be many years before I would come to terms with the things that caused trauma in my life. And many more years before I would be well enough to discuss it openly with so many people who have found themselves in the same dark place. In my family it was normal, I do not believe that there are many family members at least in my generation who did not suffer some kind of abuse during those years of growing up.

We all carry the scars from that time and now must learn to define our lives as something other than broken abused children. It is for me cathartic that I was able to deal with and find peace with the ugliness of the past that we grew up in, suffering at the hands of our own family members. So I had to ask myself where and when did it begin? Who allowed this hideous past to continue trickling down into every generation that followed? How many more lives have to be shattered before they realize that by keeping silent they are destroying lives?

All good questions yes? but one problem there are no answers, so what am I supposed to do? At least these were the things that I asked myself while I was going through the healing process. As my mamma always said ” Pick yourself up and dust yourself off” yes but somethings are not so easy to get away from and this is one of those things. How do I live day to day with the after math of sexual abuse by someone I loved?

Getting right with myself was the first step in making it through the quagmire of lies and secrets that have kept my family in silence for many years. For me, the fear died when I was 21 all that was left was rage, and depression and a need to destroy the very person that I should have been healing and protecting, Myself.

This is my journey, along with some poetry and other things I will use this space to begin a trip through my journey in the hope that some where along the way I might help someone in need so that they know that like me, they are not to blame for the things that happened to them and that there is hope at the end of that darkness.