Forgiveness

What an insipid word it is especially when you dont know if that is something you are able to do. I have spent 51 years trying to get something from my dad that I will never get and that is acceptance and validation. My dad for all his faults and he has many is the man who shaped how I view men, and honestly it has been pretty unfair to my husband that I would view him as I do my father. Reality is that I can forgive him for the things he can not give me because he is not capable of giving me those things that I need. I know this on a very visceral level and yet I still want it from him, which lets me in for just more disappointment. My indignation and anger come from a place that he will never understand he doesn’t get that the pain it has caused me to sit back and know that no matter what I do no matter what I achieve it will never be good enough for him and he will never give me the acceptance that I look for from him. So what do I do? Can I forgive him for failing me in that aspect of my life. I am trying to be the good daughter I was raised to be and yet I find myself at odds with what I know is right and what is expected of me I am not the one who is expected to say what I think and what I mean I am supposed to gloss over it and pretend that everything is all hunky dory because my faither is an asshole.

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