Musings of darkness
Midnight Song
Whispering winds caressing the soft velvet skin, the call of the tide as it rises from the sea the blanket of sand beneath bare feet, long lonely nights with no end in sight the soft touch of the moon as it rises in full bloom a glistening dome in heavens home lighting the way for the lonely heart. The laughter of the sea dancing through the winds singing and calling with out any end, cries unheard of the distant bird, the laughter taunting on the warm midnight breeze. The midnight song that sings to all, joining in the rapture of life as the trees dance beneath the night sky. Sparkling diamonds twinkling high laughing at the dance of the night, the swaying of the trees as they dance upon the warm breeze the call of the night that draws all out and into the moons bright shinning light. The midnight song plays for us all carrying away the past and leaving only the moments of happiness that are meant to last.
A New Out Look
Sitting in the quiet recesses of my home I look at events over the last weekend and I have to wonder to myself who that person was, am I truly so far gone from myself that I must resort to such a thing? I know that there are answers to be had and questions that must be raised but I am not going to fade into nothingness once more simply because some people do not wish to hear my truths, I suffer as many do from a disease, the details are not important nor are the particulars of what occurred(for the sake of my children it is kept quiet) needless to say that somewhere between desperation and crushing destruction,I found a new out look on life, it is meant to live not to sit by and wallow in what ever self righteous fury that may come out of the end results, whether I chose to speak of my disease or whether i chose to share it with only those who must know is my decision and mine alone. There is love in my world that is generated not by obligation or forced need but by a true and genuine heart, it took me a while to realize that life's blessings though they may be few and far between are truly wonderful and I count myself lucky and blessed to have known such love. There are those who do not understand and who will never truly understand the rate of disintegration the mind can take unless they have walked a million miles in the shoes of someone who has felt it. There are no excuses only explanations for those who are deserving of such and for the rest who care only about a perceived slight or a perceived show of disrespect then I suggest you look at your own lives and start cleaning house there for I have no time or energy to play nurse maid to heal your perceived hurts for something that was out of my control. An Empty Shore
It is only when the light goes dim and the pain recedes that the meaning of it all can be seen, each step taken is destinies choice with the laughter and dreams of an echoing voice, as the waters push the tide back into the sea the empty shore can be seen full once more with all that is dreamed and all that is need. The push of the waves against the sand, the sweet scent of salt water achingly sweet and dreams that fall hand in hand.
An empty shore devoid of sand the loneliness that gets out of hand, the call of a the birds that sing in the sky the laughter of children coming from near by, along the wharf where the sea gulls dance the passage of laughter and happen stance, time for dreams and time for laughter time to renew the life that we all want to see. An empty shore no more will be the sadness and loneliness and bleak but a place to renew and rejuvenate the life we lead
My Birthday!
It has been a very long year this last year, full of ups and twist and turns but as I sit here today writing this whether anyone reads it or not I am grateful for all that I have and for all those people in my life that love me unconditionally and are such a large part of my life. What am I looking forward to this year I guess is the biggest question that I have to ask myself, they say that 40 is the time of mid-life crisis I had mine when I was in my twenties and thirties so I am looking forward to some sanity this year and hopes of a prosperous year for all of us. So lets see what life changing events happened this day in history? So I thought you all might enjoy this little bit of knowledge on my birthday I hope everyone has a great day
0049 BC – Julius Caesar crosses the Rubicon, signaling the start of civil war.
0236 Saint Fabian begins his reign as a Catholic Pope.
1072 Palermo falls to Robert Guiscard and his brother Roger, who begin to conquer all of Sicily
1072 Robert Guiscard conquers Palermo.
1429 Order of the Golden Fleece established in Austria-Hungary & Spain
1430 Duke Philip the Good marries Isabella of Portugal
1430 Order of the Guilder forms
1514 Complutensian New Testament in Hebrew, Aramaic, Greek & Latin finished
1642 King Charles I & family flee London for Oxford
1645 Archbishop William Laud is beheaded at the Tower of London
1663 King Charles II affirms charter of Royal African Company
1731 Charles Farnese becomes duke of Parma/Piacenza
1776 “Common Sense” by Thomas Paine, published
1806 Dutch in Cape Town, South African surrender to the British
1806 Dutch settlers in Cape Town surrender to the British.
1808 Herman Daendels succeeds A Wiese as Governor-General of Netherlands Indies
1810 French church annuls marriage of Napoleon I & Joséphine
1810 The marriage of Napoleon and Josephine is annulled.
1811 Louisiana slaves rebel in 2 parishes
1811 Norwester David Thompson 1770-1857 crosses the height of land of the Rocky Mountains on the Athabasca Pass
1815 British Government bans Americans from settling in Canada
1817 Miles Macdonnell recaptures Fort Douglas from Metis; occupies the Fort for Lord Selkirk
1839 Tea from India first arrives in UK
1840 Penny Post mail system started
1840 UK hist Uniform Penny Postage introduced nationally
1845 Poets Elizabeth Barrett & Robert Browning begin corresponding
1847 American naval forces occupy Los Angeles.
1850 Robert McClure & Richard Collinson set sail in the Enterprise and
Investigator to start search for lost Franklin expedition
1861 American Civil War: Florida secedes from the Union.
1861 Colonel Moody names Lulu Island (near Vancouver) for Lulu Sweet, an
American actress appearing in theatrical performances for the Royal
Engineers
1861 Florida becomes 3rd state to secede from US
1861 Fort Jackson & Fort Philip are taken over by Los Angeles state troops
1861 US forts & property seized by Mississippi
1862 Battle of Big Sandy River KY (Middle Creek)
1862 The inventor of the Revolver Samuel Colt dies.
1863 General McClernand’s Union troops surround Fort Hindman AR
1863 January-uprising begins in Poland
1863 The London Underground, the world’s oldest underground railway, opens
between London Paddington station and Farringdon station.
1863 The first underground railway opens in London
1996 This was the year “The Book Clip – Guaranteed to keep your Book Open” first appeared on the Internet. See Pictures HERE www.bookclip.com
1863 UK hist First section of the London Underground Railway opens, between Paddington and Farringdon Street
1870 John D Rockefeller incorporates Standard Oil
1870 John D. Rockefeller incorporates Standard Oil.
1870 Standard Oil is incorporated by brothers John D. and William Rockefeller.
1878 US Senate proposes female suffrage
1883 Fire at uninsured Newhall Hotel in Milwaukee WI kills 71; General Tom Thumb of P T Barnum fame, escapes unhurt
1889 The Ivory Coast becomes a French protectorate
1899 Tau Kappa Epsilon fraternity was founded.
1900 Lord Roberts & Lord Kitchener reach Capetown
1901 Oil discovered at Spindletop claim near Beaumont, Texas
1901 The first great Texas oil gusher is discovered at Spindletop in Beaumont, Texas.
1911 Honduras signs treaty turning over customs to US (not ratified)
1911 The first photo in US taken from an airplane, San Diego
1911 Trumper scored double cricket ton vs South Africa, goes on to get 214
1912 Caillaux government in France resigns
1912 World’s first flying boat’s maiden flight, (Glenn Curtiss in NY)
1914 First edition of Hague’s Post under SF van Oss, published
1916 Russian offensive in Kaukasus
1917 Navy places first production order for aerial photographic equipment.
1920 Canada becomes a founding member of the League of Nations on the day 1920 Silver reaches record $1.37 an ounce
1922 Arthur Griffith is elected President of the Irish Free State.
1923 Last US troops leave Rhineland (Germany)
1923 Lithuania seizes & annexes country of Memel
1925 France-Saarland forms
1925 Miriam (Ma) Ferguson sworn in as Texas Governor, nation’s 2nd woman governor
1927 Fritz Lang’s Metropolis premieres
1927 The film Metropolis by Fritz Lang premieres.
1928 Soviet Union orders exile of Leon Trotsky
1929 Tintin, a comic book character created by Herg, makes his debut. He 1930 Maurice Allom takes Test hat-trick England vs New Zealand Christchurch
1930 Mordovian Autonomous Region in RSFSR constituted
1932 “Mickey Mouse” & “Silly Symphony” comics syndicated
1932 “Pete the Tramp” cartoon strip by C D Russell debuts
1934 VP-10F flies first non-stop formation flight from San Francisco to Pearl Harbor, arriving 11 Jan.
1935 Actress Mary Pickford marries actor Douglas Fairbanks
1938 Eduard van Beinum becomes world’s first conductor at Concert Hall
1939 Bradman hits 186 South Africa vs Queensland before Christ catches him at short-leg
1940 First convoy carrying units of the Second Australian Imperial Force (AIF) sails for the Middle East
1941 Joseph Kesselring’s “Arsenic & Old Lace,” premieres in New York City NY
1941 Lend-Lease is introduced into the US Congress.
1941 Seyss-Inquart begins registration of Jews
1942 Elizabeth Monk and Suzanne Filion admitted to the Quebec Bar Quebec’s first female lawyers
1942 Japan invades North-Celebes, Dutch East Indies
1943 Russian offensive against German 6th/4th Armies near Stalingrad
1943 The first US President to visit a foreign country in wartime-FDR leaves for Casablanca, Morocco
1945 Los Angeles Railway (with 5 streetcar lines) forced to close
1946 The first General Assembly of the United Nations convenes in London.
1946 US Army establishes first radar contact with Moon, Belmar NJ
1947 British stop ships Independence & In-Gathering from landing in Israel
1947 Greek steamer “Himara” strikes a wartime mine in Saronic Gulf south of Athens with loss of 392 of 637 aboard
1949 First Jewish family show “The Goldbergs” premieres on CBS
1949 RCA introduces 45 RPM record
2000 America Online announces an agreement to buy Time Warner for $162 billion, the largest corporate merger in history.
1870 Georgia legislature reconvenes
the Treaty of Versailles, ending the First World War, takes effect
1920 League of Nations’ first meeting, Treaty of Versailles in effect
went on to be published in over 200 million comic books in 40
languages.
Apollo Project: NASA announces plans to build the C-5 rocket booster.
It became better known as the Saturn V moon rocket, which launched
every Apollo moon mission.
The Catch – Dwight Clark of the San Francisco 49ers makes a leaping
catch from Joe Montana with 58 seconds to play to defeat the Dallas
Cowboys 28-27 in the NFC Championship Game at Candlestick Park.
Time Inc. aquired Warner Communications for the tidy little sum of
$14.1 billion. Thus began Time Warner, one of the world’s largest media
and entertainment conglomerates.
A mudslide occurs in La Conchita, CA, killing 10 people, injuring many
more and closing the Highway 101, the main coastal corridor between San
Francisco and Los Angeles, for 10 days.
Little One
It has been a long time since I have let myself relive the pain of twenty years ago, this week I have relived it and dealt with the fall out of my own actions, how I wish that some things could have been different, how I wish that you could have been a part of my life, with your black hair and your dark eyes I know that you would have looked like both of us, I hope that we would have done a better job with loving you than we did with each other. I feel you still and I know you are there around me and someday when I have finished what I am supposed to do on this plain I will see you again. Will you be a grown man or the small child I see from time to time in my dreams, know that I loved you and that even though things were so terribly bad those days, you were the bright spot in my life the hope that I had that tomorrow would be better no matter how things went.
At the worst of times you were my reason to keep going and to survive this life, you gave me strength even though I was not able to hold you in my arms, the ache that was left never truly died but you were there in the times of my lowest despair and you were the face that I held on to all these years when things could not have been any worse for me. Your father, he is a good man, and despite the pain that I caused him and that he caused me you would have been loved by both of us. I love you my darling little angel even though you are no longer with me and have not been for a long time, it makes me sad that I never was able to give you a name I would have chosen something appropriate for you perhaps Robert, because like him you are a angel who is always with me.
What I wouldn’t give to be able to change the things that we did to each other to be able to take back that terrible pain and give you the life you deserved the parents who loved you even if they weren’t together to be able to hear your laughter and see your beautiful eyes the color of mine with his dark hair so thick that it was there the moment you were born, I live with the regret that what I did caused you pain and for that I am sorry, sweet little angel with the beautiful eyes so like his fathers and the skin so like mine, his hair dark and soft against my cheek that is how I see you, I know that you protected your brothers and sister and kept them all safe from the perils of life and before they were born, I pray little angel of mine that you continue to do so to protect them all and love them all as you are their guardian now as much as mine.There was a time when I thought I would never be able to think about you without the gut ripping pain that used to slice through me or hear the sound of a heart beat and not die inside from the grief of not hearing yours but I know that this is what was meant to be my angel and that in the darkest days of my life you are where you need to be looking out for those who would have loved you and those who love you and for those you love. Be at peace sweet boy momma will always love you even when she is far away.
Hopes and Dreams
Abyss of Darkness
Abyss of DarknessSinking into the black abyss of despair the laughter has died and no one cares, the tears of the shattered heart have long since dried there are none left to be cried, Only the blackness awaits a tunneling gate to destroy the soul that doesn’t seem to care anymore, all is left for the world to see is the shell that remains broken and beaten with nothing left to give, the shattered dreams dry like the sand in the desert.
Swallowed by the Darkness the painful memories are no longer there the happy times bring only despair as the wild night drives the lost soul deeper into the black abyss of despair, where nothing and no one will care. Cold and alone huddled in the dark the painful memories of happier times depart shattering the last remaining strength of a dream that came to late.
Die the whisper against the torn remnants of a shattered heart, so simple so clear you do not deserve to be here all the destruction and all the pain the remaining laughter is all the same hallow and empty with only faked joy as the day grows closer the the Abyss of Darkness takes it away.
Elizabeth Angel 